The past year an a half has been the hardest time of my life. The consequences of going my own way and ignoring God’s warnings brought me to a rock bottom of sorrow and confusion. It was at that gracious and divine rock bottom that I learned to surrender. I was too tired to fight anymore and I knew I couldn’t keep my plans from falling apart. So I stopped trying to control everything and I let the future I’d envisioned crumble before my eyes. It was painful. It was necessary.
It was in the midst of healing and rebuilding on a stronger foundation that God first reintroduced the dream of Africa into my heart. At first I felt it must be a symptom of my circumstances, an attempt to run away from perceived failure. So, I told God that if he wanted me to move to Africa it would be all his doing. I’d tried to force my will and ended up broken. My strategy this time was going to be to simply say, “yes” to the opportunities God brought me. My future was no longer my concern.
There have been some shut doors the past few months. But, let me share the past two weeks. I was adopted as a missions partner by my church. I put my house on the market and sold it for the full asking price. I have a place to live, rent free, for my remaining three months as a teacher in the States. I have many offers from friends and family to help pack, sort, donate all of my material life. If I needed flashing lights in the sky to confirm God’s direction for my life, I think this counts.
I told God he had figure it all out if he wanted it to happen. After I say, “Holy Crap”, all I can say is, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.”
(Admittedly, maybe I should skip the Holy Crap altogether, but I’m still human!)