I can’t believe my one month vision trip to Kenya is almost over. 90% of me wishes that I was staying. That I could buy the car and set up the house and just start the business of living in Africa. But, it’s not time yet.
The purpose of this trip was to 1) see where I was going to be living, 2) bond with the missionary team here on the ground and 3) catch the vision for what God wants me to do here.
Part 1 has been accomplished without much effort. A trip to the sketchiest boarder town in Uganda, from whence we fled a night early back to the civilization of Kisumu, solidified a starting bond with my six new coworkers. But waiting on God to reveal his specific plan for my time in Kenya has been alternately annoying and anxiety producing.
I want to know where I fit. I want to start checking items off a to-do list. I want to contribute and pull my own weight and find my identity not in being a child of God but in my usefulness. Oh. Yeah. That’s not good.
I KNOW if God revealed his plans for me right now, I would crumple under the weight of them. I would be overwhelmed and ill equipped. I know this. So, I take my emotionally unhealthy and codependent tendencies, and I take them to Jesus. Just as I am, admitting my continuing struggles and breathing deep.
A friend once gave me the idea of visualizing wrapping up whatever or whoever I was obsessing about in a quilt and lifting them, in my mind, up and over to God. Sometimes, I do this gently. Sometimes I stuff them in a cannon and blast them off to the Big Guy. I’ve been doing this a lot with myself.
Reality is God has revealed his plans for me. His plans are that I should come to Africa and help to raise African kids. They call me Mama Elaine. They also think I’m very very very white. They are right.
I will wait on God. I will pray to enjoy the waiting. But even if I never do, I will surrender my timeline, because his timing is always better than mine.