Lately, God has been telling me to share my joy. Psalm 105:1 will phrase it this way, “make known his deeds among the peoples.” I find myself hesitant to gush about how good life is and how joyful and happy I feel for a number of reasons:
- I have languished most of my life under the false assumption that I’m only worth listening to when I’m in crisis.
- I recognize that I tend to judge joyful, enthralled people as naive. I don’t want to be patronized.
- I don’t want to make others feel bad. I don’t want to be perceived as gloating.
- I’m aware that life has ups and downs and nothing lasts forever, I don’t want my present happiness to be thrown in my face during the next storm of life.
And there is a summary of my sickness and sin: making it all about me and how I want to control responses to me.
If you’ve read other parts of this blog, you know my life has not always been light and joyful. In fact, just one year ago I was holding tight to God’s hand as he hoisted me out of my self-chosen misery. I learned the freedom of obedience then and I’m going to practice it again now.
GOD IS AMAZING.
He keeps his promises.
He is present.
He delights to delight me!
I feel healthy, and strong, and supported like I’ve never felt. I released my grip on everything and God actually showed up and delivered in abundance. I see him in his word, through the books I’m reading, in the vibrant butterflies that flutter at my feet when I walk to work, though the smiles of my kids, in phone calls back home, through new friends here in Kenya.
I love what I am learning: half motherhood/ half reading specialist. I love the exciting direction things are heading with work. I love getting to know my Kenyan neighbors and sharing experience and sorrow. I love the missionary community God has provided and the church we’ve started. I love how strong my legs are becoming from hiking the hill everyday :).
Every time I hit a wall and surrender it to God and humble myself, the wall seems to fall away like vapor (and not because I magically get my way but because God shows me how trustworthy he is and how my angst is an unworthy use of my time and energy). I cry out and am delivered. God has rescued me from myself and for himself. I cannot contain the joy at discovering his love and passion for me.
I don’t want to rob today of this invigorating and peace-driven energy by worrying about the “what-ifs” and “whens”. Today is amazing and no matter what tomorrow brings, God has proved himself faithful in the worst and the best.
“So I rejoice and I will keep on rejoicing” Philippines 1:18.